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Tennessee Law Book

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-511 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  Men shall not spill their seed upon the ground.
     2.  Any man who spills his seed upon the ground is
         unclean
     3.  When any uncleanliness chanceth upon any man by
         night, he shall remove himself from the city
         limits until evening as ordered by GOD in
         Deuteronomy 23:10-11.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, a state-wide
bussing program will be enacted in the chartered cities of
this state, henceforth to be called the Wet Dream Express.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-12-512 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  That it is unlawful for any person to wear any
         garments of mixed fabrics: including but not
         limited to codpieces, shirts, blouses,
         brassieres, pants, slacks, socks, shoes,
         boxer shorts, briefs, underwear, panties,
         prophylactics, slips, hats, scarfs, mufflers,
         gloves, gauntlets, shorts, vests, ties, cravats,
         bonnets, pajamas, kimonos, coats, jackets,
         skirts, dresses, windbreakers, raincoats,
         sweaters, shawls, jumpers, overalls, earmuffs,
         mittens, chemise, petticoats, trousers,
         suspenders, corsets, ribbons, capes, chaps,
         jodphers, caps, cummerbunds, stockings,
         pantyhose, visors, diapers, bibs, mawashis,
         hakamas, yukatas, parkas, tunics, snow suits,
         snow shoes, dickies, head bands, knickers,
         cardigans, robes, gowns, bathing suits, bikinis,
         G-strings, thongs, sweat suits, togas,
         loin cloths, kilts, sporans, chain mail,
         arm bands, hair ties, headbands, skorts, sashs,
         longjohns, slippers, galoshes, bandanas,
         space suits, wet suits, aprons, labcoats,
         face masks, leg warmers, spandex tights,
         condoms, bustiers, belts, boots, or any other
         object which may be construed in a court
         of law as a garment; where by mixed fabrics
         is meant any fabric containing more than one of
         the following:  cotton, linen, wool, felt, silk,
         burlap, flax, twill, oilcloth, wood, bone, hair,
         foam, styrofoam, plastic, leather, feathers,
         fur, grass, straw, plastic, hemp, shells, cambric,
         acetate, acrylic, aramid, glass, metallic, paper,
         modacrylic, nylon, olefin, polyester, rayon,
         rubber, saran, spandex, triacetate, or any other
         textile or fiber now in existence or to be
         developed in the future.  This includes metal
         support wires in bras, as ordered by GOD in
         Leviticus 19:19 and Deuteronomy 22:11.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, all garments in
stores statewide containing mixed fabrics shall be burned,
and any person found wearing such a garment shall be
stripped, their garments burned, and all the people shall
gaze upon their nakedness.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-513 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  That young boys and men shall not be lazy.
     2.  That those believed to be lazy shall be stoned to
         death, as ordered by GOD in Deuteronomy 21:18-21.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, rock throwing
shall be mandatory in all physical education and kineseology
classes, and a suitable fraction of rocks in State owned
quarries shall be reserved for use by parents who suspect
there son of laziness, gluttony, or drunkenness.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-514 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  Men shall have a paddle upon their weapon, where
         weapon includes swords, guns, bows, spears,
         and slings or any other device which may be used
         to smite heathens,
     2.  And, when any man eases himself abroad, by which is
         meant defecation in any area other than
         personal or public restrooms, that he dig a hole and
         bury the stool a minimum of 1 cubit below ground, so
         that the LORD shall not see it or step on it, as
         ordered by GOD in Deuteronomy 23:13-14.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, all guns and swords
must pass a state inspection.  Any man owning a defective gun
or sword shall be fined $100 and must attend a mandatory stool
burying class, to be called "Deep Shit".  Any person who has
abandoned a turd without proper burial shall be fined $500 and
be labeled a "Deadbeat Defecator."   In addition, funds shall
be appropriated for a feline training program, whereby stray cats
shall be trained and released to bury all yard sausage for which
the defecator cannot be found.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-515 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  Any man who is convicted of raping an unbetrothed
         virgin shall give unto her father 50 shekels,
     2.  And, the man shall marry the victim and she shall be
         his wife forever.  He may not divorce her for any
         reason, as ordered by GOD in Deuteronomy 22:28-29.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, the State of Tennessee
shall create monetary exhange stations in convenient proximity to
locations where many rapists congregate:  including but not
limited to, fraternity houses, ghettos, college campuses, rock
concert arenas, and high schools.  Furthermore, a large allocation
of shekels shall be provided to tux rental shops to handle the
increased demand following prom night.  On all shekel transactions,
the exchange rate shall be pegged to the market, with the current
exhange rate being 3.17 shekels to the dollar, for a current fine
of $15.77.

Further notes:
ALL RAPISTS ARE HEREBY GRANTED CLEMENCY, AND SHALL BE RELEASED
FROM PRISON AND BE MARRIED IMMEDIATELY TO THE WOMAN WHO ACCUSED
THEM OF RAPE.  WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, LET NO MAN TEAR
ASUNDER!

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-516 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  Any man who has had his testicles crushed or cut off
     2.  Or, any man who has had his penis cut off for any
         reason, shall not enter churches, synagogues, mosques,
         or other places of worship; as ordered by GOD in
         Deuteronomy 23:1.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, the State of Tennessee
hereby creates a police task force to examine the genitals of men
and boys attempting to enter into a place of worship.
Any man or boy found to have wounded gonads shall be barred from
entering.  Those barred entrance shall be encouraged to become
eunuchs so that they can still be blessed by the LORD as the
BIBLE says in Isaiah 56:4-5.

Constitutionality Note:
This law in no way respects an establishment of religion, nor
encourages the same.  This standard of worship shall apply to
all religions equally.

The State reiterates its support for encouraging worship
of the Deity, and to further these ends an educational film titled
"Searching for Bobbitt's Pisser" shall be created to train
males to protect their 'nads' and to teach them what to do
in case of an accident.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-517 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  Any person of illigitimate birth (henceforth to be
         called a bastard) shall not enter churches, synagogues,
         mosques, or other places of worship; where illigitimate
         birth is defined as any person whose parents were
         not married at the time of their birth.
     2.  Further, any person who has a bastard anywhere in their
         ancestry back to the tenth generation shall not enter
         churches, synagogues, mosques, or other places of worship.
         Any inbred person lacking 1024 grandparents in the tenth
         generation due to multiple intersections in their family
         tree does not have to trace back further than the tenth
         generation.
     3.  Any person who is an Ammonite or a Moabite shall not enter
         churches, synagogues, mosques, or other places of worshop.
     4.  Any person who has an Ammonite or Moabite in their family
         tree back unto the tenth generation shall not enter
         churches, synagogues, mosques, or other places of worship;
         as ordered by GOD in Deuteronomy 23:2-3.
     5.  Any person unable to trace their family tree back ten
         generations, shall be proclaimed a de facto bastard,
         an Ammonite, and a Moabite.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, the State of Tennessee
hereby creates a geneology task force to examine the family trees
of all citizens and residents of the state.  Once proper geneologies
have been verified, each person determined to be a bastard must
wear a 'B' on their clothing at all times.  Any Ammonite must wear
an 'A' on their clothing at all times.  Any Moabite must wear an 'M'
on their clothing at all times.  Police may demand documentation of
a suitable family tree of any person attempting to enter a place
of worship, and a person unable to provide this proof shall be
incarcerated until such time as proof is supplied.  The
penalty for not wearing the proper indentification mark is $200.
Repeat offenders shall have the letter tattooed on their forehead.

Constitutionality Note:
This law in no way respects an establishment of religion, nor
encourages the same.  This standard of worship shall apply to
all religions equally.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-518 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  that it is unlawful for any man to curse:  where curse
         words include but are not limited to; fuck, shit, damn,
         God damn, God damnit, Jesus H. Christ, Jesus Fucking Christ,
         Jesus Christ, Gosh darnit, fiddlesticks, heck,
         piss, twat, cunt, bastard, bitch, tit, butt, ass, asshole,
         mother fucker, cock, cock-sucker, peter, ding-dong, weenie,
         pee-pee, doo-doo, cocka, johnson, schlong, tally-wacker,
         bearded clam, bugger, pussy, fart, cum, sixty-nine,
         blowjob, clit, cornhole, penis, vagina, anus, hell,
         fag, faggot, gay, hummer, dick, prick, crap, queer,
         boobs, melons, knocker, ta-ta's, breasts, suck,
         slip the salami, and any other words or phrases
         that may be deemed objectionable.
     2.  And, that any person convicted of uttering such profanity
         shall be stoned to DEATH as ordered by GOD in Leviticus 24:14.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, the State of Tennessee
hereby creates an anti-profanity division in the Department of the
Interior, and funds shall be allocated to purchase and place
listening devices in areas where cursers are known to congregate, such
as: sports bars, sports arenas, truck stops, construction sites,
atheist homes, comedy clubs, motor repair shops, river boats on
the Mississippi River, and TOURETTES SYNDROME CLINICS.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-519 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  That any menstruating woman is unclean and shall
         not appear in public;  she shall stay at home
         while on her period;
     2.  Anyone who touches a menstruating woman is unclean
         and they shall wash their clothes and take a bath
         and not go out in public again that day;
     3.  Anything a menstruating woman lies or sits upon is
         unclean and must be washed and not used that day;
     4.  At the conclusion of her 7 day sickness, the woman
         shall take either 2 pigeons or 2 turtledoves and
         have the local preacher sacrifice them to the LORD,
         as ordered by GOD in Leviticus 15:19-33.
     5.  Further, any man who copulates with a menstruating
         woman has uncovered the fountain of her blood and
         is ceremonially defiled.  Both he and the woman shall
         be exiled from Tennessee, never to return,
         as ordered by GOD in Leviticus 20:18.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, the State of Tennessee
hereby creates a elite menstrual S.W.A.T. team, to be called the
Kotex Commandos (KC).  The Kotex Commandos shall do the following:
Tracking devices shall be installed in all tampons, maxi-pads, or
any other feminine hygene products for use during menstruation, so
that women menstruating in public may be apprehended.  Further,
public tampon dispensers shall be disabled, and a special canine
unit (called the P.M.S. Pitt Bulls) will be trained to sniff out
and apprehend menstruating women who use illegal or modified tampons.
All women must register their menstrual cycle with the
Kotex Commandos.

Any woman caught in public while menstruating shall be incarcerated
until such time as her bleeding stops, and another 7 days to
ensure that she is clean.  Any man caught with a woman's flowers
upon him shall be banished from Tennessee along with the woman
he had sex with.  They shall be placed on the next Greyhound bus
leaving Tennessee.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-520 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  That Sunday, the seventh day (henceforth called the
         Sabbath), shall be Holy as stated in Exodus 16:23;
     2.  That it is unlawful for anyone to cook food on the
         Sabbath, as ordered by GOD in Exodus 16:25;
     3.  That it is unlawful to gather or seek out food in
         any way on the Sabbath, as ordered by GOD in Exodus 16:26;
     4.  That is is unlawful for anyone to leave their home
         on the Sabbath as ordered by GOD in Exodus 16:29;
     5.  That it is unlawful for any work to be done on the
         Sabbath by people, slaves, or animals
         as ordered by GOD in Exodus 20:10;
     6.  That it is unlawful to make a fire on the Sabbath,
         as ordered by GOD in Exodus 35:3;
     7.  That the punishment for breaking this law is death
         by stoning, as ordered by GOD in Numbers 15:32-36 and
         Exodus 31:14 and Exodus 35:2.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, the State of Tennessee
hereby reserves a sufficient quantity of rocks in State owned
quarries to stone those found cooking food, leaving their house,
doing any work, starting a fire, or in any other way profaning
the Sabbath.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-521 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  That all clothing worn in the State of
         Tennessee must have four tassels upon them,
         as ordered by GOD in Deuteronomy 22:12.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, all people caught
wearing clothes without four tassels shall be immediately
stripped, their clothes burned, and all the people shall
gaze upon their nakedness.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-522 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  That it is unlawful for any woman to touch a man's
         testicles with the intention of harming him;
     2.  That any woman touching a man's testicles with
         intentention to harm him, must have her hand
         cut off,
     3.  That it is unlawful for anybody to pity her, as
         ordered by GOD in Deuteronomy 25:11-12.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, all lumberjacks
must be trained and licensed in using an axe to amputate a
woman's hand.  Furthermore, all people observing an
amputation must cheer for joy.  Any man caught pitying the
woman shall be hit in his testicles so that he may see why
the punishment is just.  Any woman caught pitying her shall
be fined 50 dollars.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-523 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  That all houses built in the State of Tennessee
         must have a battlement upon the roof,
         as ordered by GOD in Deuteronomy 22:8.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, all houses
without a battlement upon the roof must be immediately
burned, and all buildings to be built in the future must be
certified by the State to have a battlement.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-524 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

     1.  That no lender or lending institution shall charge
         interest on loans made to needy people, as ordered by
         GOD in Exodus 22:25;
     2.  That no lender or lending institution shall charge
         interest on loans made to residents of Tennessee, but
         loans made to non-residents of Tennessee may accrue
         interest, as ordered by GOD in Leviticus 25:36-37 and
         in Deuteronomy 23:19-20.
     3.  That all debts, except those made to non-Tennesseans,
         must be cancelled every seventh year,
         beginning with fiscal year 1996, as ordered by GOD in
         Deuteronomy 15:1-3.
     4.  Further, no person or lending institution may refuse to
         loan money to any person or business for any reason save
         not having the money to loan, as ordered by GOD in
         Luke 6:35.

And to provide for the fulfillment of the law, the Tennessee
Banking Commission shall monitor all loans made within the
State of Tennessee to ensure that they are serviced properly.
Any bank or individual who charges interest to a Tennessean,
shall have their assets frozen until such time as the General
Accounting Office can assess how much interest should be returned
to the lendee.  Further, any bank or individual refusing to
loan money to an individual or business, shall have their assets
seized and given to the loan applicants on a first come, first
serve basis.

ALL CURRENT LOANS ARE NOW DECLARED INTEREST FREE, AND THE STATE
OF TENNESSEE WILL NO LONGER PAY ANY INTEREST ON STATE ISSUED
BONDS.

Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-525 ?): [*23]

We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:

	1.  That all peoples who are decendants of Ham, Noah's
	    son, are supposed to be slaves according to GOD'S
	    will in Genesis 7:21-27.  The decendants of Ham
	    are given in the Bible in Genesis 10 and they include
	    the Cushites (modern day Negroes), Mizraites
	    (modern day Aborigines), Phutites (modern day
	    Melanesians, Micronesians, and Polynesians),
	    and the Canaanites (modern day Palestinians).
	2.  That all Negroes, Aborigines, Melanesians, Micronesians,
	    and Polynesians are to return to their rightful
	    owners from before the Emancipation Proclamation.
	3.  That all peoples ordered by GOD to be slaves who cannot
	    discover their rightful owner shall turn themselves
	    over to the State of Tennessee to be sold as slaves.
	4.  That slaves shall be sold by the State back to the
	    rightful owners at the Biblically prescribed values
	    for slaves given in Leviticus 27:1-8, as follows:
	    (a)  males from 20-60 years old          - 50 shekels
	    (b)  females from 20-60 years old        - 30 shekels
	    (c)  males from 5-20 years old           - 20 shekels
	    (d)  females from 5-20 years old         - 10 shekels
	    (e)  males from 1 month-5 years old      - 5 shekels
	    (f)  females from 1 month-5 years old    - 3 shekels
	    (g)  males older than 60                 - 15 shekels
	    (h)  females older than 60               - 10 shekels
	    (i)  any slaves with deformaties may be sold for less
	         according to the value that a priest shall assign.
	    Note:  All transactions are pegged to the dollar with
	    3.17 shekels currently equaling 1 dollar.
	5.  That slavery is an everlasting institution and that
	    slaves must obey their masters in everything as
	    ordered by GOD in Leviticus 25:44-46, Deuteronomy 15:17,
	    Ephesians 6:5, Colossians 3:22, and Titus 2:9.
	6.  That masters may beat their slave as much as they want
	    as long as the slave does not die the same day as the
	    beating as ordered by GOD in Exodus 21:20-21.
	7.  That a father may sell his daughter to pay off his debts.
	    She shall be a slave forever as ordered by GOD in
	    Exodus 21:7-11.
	8.  That all other people who are not Tennesseans may be
	    bought and sold as slaves as ordered by GOD in
	    Leviticus 25:44-46.

To provide for the fulfillment of the law, the State of Tennessee
hereby creates the Tennessee Department of Slavery to determine
who belongs to whom so that slaves may be returned to their
rightful owners.  All slaves must be registered with the Department,
and must be branded with their registration number.
Further, those Tennesseans who know of people who are rightfully
their slave may immediately capture them, brand them, and put
them to work.  Further, the State hereby authorizes Universities and
High Schools to purchase slaves to play on their sports teams.
In addition, the Department of Slavery shall be empowered to hunt
down runaway slaves and may set up border patrols to prevent escape
into surrounding heathen states.

Joseph Busche and Bill Curry

Permission is granted to reproduce the above writings for non-commercial purposes as long as the copyright is included.

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