By Lewis Loflin
Christianity's never dodged mistakes when it comes to apocalyptic teachings - errors that keep tripping up believers. These mix-ups have made a mockery of Christian hopes, especially lately, and dug so deep into end-times thinking that they've become a delusion, denting the credibility of legit biblical faith in the world's eyes.
Face it: the Second Coming was a busted first-century prediction - it's not happening. Post-September 11, the frenzy's back. Will they keep turning Jesus into a punchline?
Note: Things got messy around 1800. The Western world drowned in pseudo-science, Eastern mysticism, prophecy, faith healing, tongues, and occult weirdness. It birthed scores of cults - pseudo-Christian, New Age, even Satanist - many still shaping the religious right today. Most of this apocalypse nonsense invaded older Protestant groups too. Sorting it out starts in the 19th century.
Below's a timeline of the chaos. These kooks from 1800-1900 ripped each other off - readers, you figure out who's who.
1654: Archbishop James Ussher of Armagh pegs Creation at October 26, 4004 BC, 9 AM, and the End at 1997 AD - 6000 years into his "Great Week" for the Millennium. Fundamentalists still parrot his dates.
1774: Ann Lee, a tongues-speaking Quaker, founds the Shakers (United Society of Believers in Christ's Second Appearing), calling it the Millennial church. She claims she's Christ reincarnated, the female half of God's dual nature, pushing celibacy. Shakers earn props for inventions like the circular saw and tidy farms.
1800: The Millennium flops. Prophecy nuts swarm out anyway.
1802: Joanna Southcott, English prophetess, starts "sealing" the 144,000 elect for the End. She hooks thousands, including Anglican clergy.
1825: Rev. Edward Irving in Britain predicts Christ's return in 1864. His Irvingites spawn the Catholic Apostolic Church, later the New Apostolic Church (the Old Apostolic Church splits off in South Africa).
1826: Edward Irving launches his "school of the prophets," obsessed with end-times.
1829-1833: Edward Irving, Henry Drummond, John Nelson Darby cook up the pre-Tribulation Rapture theory. Darby (Plymouth Brethren) ties it to dispensational history. Via C.I. Scofield's Bible notes, it dominates 20th-century Christian end-times views.
1832: Joseph Smith, Latter Day Saints (Mormon) founder, claims a voice told him: "Joseph, my son, if thou livest until thou art eighty-five years old, thou shalt see the face of the Son of Man." (Doctrine & Covenants 130:14-15). He prophesies: "The Son of Man will not come till I am eighty-five." (History of the Church, Vol. 5, pp. 336-37).
1844: Joseph Smith dies before 85 or the Lord's return. March 21: William Miller, backed by clergy, picks this date for Christ's return - fails. October 22: Miller's Adventists (100,000 strong) try again - fails again.
1845: Seventh-day Adventists, with prophetess Ellen G. White, spin Sunday worship as the "mark of the Beast" under a papal Antichrist to explain Christ's "delay."
1864: Edward Irving's 1864 return prediction flops.
1888: General Boulanger in France gets tagged as the Antichrist by an unnamed English prophet - name in Greek hits 666, Christ due March 5, 3 PM. Nope.
1889: Rev. Michael Baxter, Christian Herald editor, in The End of This Age about the End of This Century, predicts the Rapture of 144,000 in 1896, world's end in 1901.
1896: Baxter's Rapture doesn't happen.
1901: Baxter's Millennium fizzles.
1914: Jehovah's Witnesses' Christ return prediction tanks - they pivot to an "invisible Coming" for true believers only.
1917, May 13: Three kids in Fatima, Portugal, say the Virgin Mary appeared in an oak tree monthly till October. Crowds show, but only the kids see her. Three prophecies: two shared, one locked in the Vatican.
1959, April 22: Hundreds of Davidians (Seventh-day Adventist offshoot) at Waco, Texas, await Christ's return on their 77-acre compound. Media watches - nothing happens.
1965, July: William Branham, self-styled prophet, post-California quake, says: "We are at the end of the history of the world. There won't be anybody to read it." Wrong.
1973: Hal Lindsey in The Late Great Planet Earth ties Israel's 1948 statehood to a one-generation End Time, fueling 1988 hype without naming it.
April: Rev. David Wilkerson visions global disaster - famine, quakes, economic collapse - saying "more than one-third of the U.S. will be a disaster area soon." Nope. Sister Agnes Katsuko in Akito, Japan, gets a Mary message: "Fire will fall, wiping out most of humanity by 2000." (T.W. Petrisko, Call of the Ages, 1995, p. xxi). Didn't.
1978, November 18: Peoples Temple in Jonestown, Guyana - 900 die in mass suicide (a third kids, some likely murdered) amid a federal probe. Jim Jones warned of fascism, race war, nuclear doom.
1980s: Edgar Whisenant, ex-NASA engineer, drops 88 Reasons Why the Rapture Will Be in 1988. Hal Lindsey pushes the "Jupiter Effect" for 1982: "Killer quakes and climate chaos." Flops - Pat Robertson should've quoted him.
1988: Charles Taylor, prophecy teacher, hawks a Holy Land tour: "Ascend from the Mount of Olives if 1988's the year." September 11-12: Trinity Broadcasting Network airs Rapture prep tapes - zilch. September 29-30: Hart Armstrong calls it a Rapture Alert - nada. October: Evangelicals' 1948 + 40 = 1988 math fails.
1988 Onward: George Curle, evangelist, predicts God's judgment on Antichrist in 1999, Tribulation in 2002, Christ's return in 2005: "Third Exodus for Israel by 2005." Strike three.
Acknowledgment: I'd like to thank Grok, an AI by xAI, for helping me draft and refine this article. The final edits and perspective are my own.
